Liver Detox: Update 1

I was going to wait until Monday to post this. Monday would be 1 week after I began the liver detox program I mentioned in Liver Detox. But today has been so extraordinary, I figured I'd post now.

Physically, the detox seems to be reducing my body fat levels even further. I'll bore you with those numbers later.

But the biggest effects upon me have been emotional. This week, almost every evening, I have picked a fight with my wife. This is very unusual behavior for me to repeat on a daily basis. Very hard on my wife too, obviously.

This morning, I realized that the gist of my arguments with her concerned what I believe to be her excessive "babying" of our toddler daugher. The arguments were nominally about the pacifier my wife allows our nearly 4-year-old to have. And although my objections to that practice were about physical health (i.e. teeth, jaw development), the true nature of my objections had to do with this babying.

When I realized that, I realized that my anger wasn't about my wife at all. It was left over anger directed toward my mother about her excessive babying of me as I was growing up. When I realized that, my anger dissipated completely.

So this morning, as I was walking to the kitchen, a tingling feeling rushed through my body. It felt as though as I was about to undergo a profound transition.

After breakfast, while in the car driving on some errands, the Steve Miller Band song Serenade came on the radio. I felt transported into another dimension. Even more powerful tingles surged through me. Whatever was on the other side of these sensations was knocking loudly on my door. It wouldn't be long now.

Later, as I walked though the paint department in Home Depot, it hit me. Hit me with full force. I was thinking about about my mother. Thinking about what a frightened person she was. Thinking about how awful it was for her to have died of such a terrible disease. An overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me. It was sadness for her.

Realize that my mom died 10 years ago last March. Ten years ago, I wept a great deal over her death. But back then, my tears were more about me and my own loss. They were less about her.

Today, however, the tears that started up in Home Depot were long overdue tears specifically about her. Tears that had been submerged in me for 13 years -- from the day my dad picked me up at Toronto ariport, drove me home, and told me in a frightened voice I hadn't heard in him before, about mom's disturbing speech slurring symptoms.

I hadn't felt true empathy toward my mom until today. Imagine having your bowels constipated for 13 years. Well, in my case, it isn't my feces that are constipated. It's my emotions.

It's amazing to me that a liver detox program could bring this long buried sadness and empathy out into the light, after only 5 days. I'm curious to see what else pops out of Pandora's box over these next two weeks (the detox is a 3 week program).

I'll keep you posted.