Posted January 4, 2009, by
kimMomentous moments.The end of an era.Difficult goodbyes.Those special people and moments that we would like to cling to but as life would have it are forced to give up , is what I have been pondering.
I actually hate saying goodbye to those I dearly love because it means acknowledging that the time spent together has officially ended. My cousin Ana from Kansas City and I used to have great fun together and a kinship that was rare. We used to agree never to say goodbye when the yearly visits were over because then we wouldn't have to suffer the pain of separation .Call it childish ,call it unrealistic call it what you want, but I'm not so sure we were all that wrong in our thinking .It was our effort to preserve the moment and hope that somehow magically it could be suspended until we met again.The end of eras are also moments I choose not to acknowledge if at all possible.As I contemplate the "last times" for events in my children's lives, I am kind of glad I can't remember. Things like the last time I ever snuggled them on my lap, the last time I wiped their nose, the last time I fed them at the breast, the last time I could physically pick them up and swing them around, the last time I gave them a bath ,the last time I had to dress them,the last time I held their hand to keep them safe while out in public, the last time I pushed them on a swing in the park, the last time they crawled into my bed in the middle of the night and the list goes on and on. If I knew all of the "last times " as they were occurring I think I'd spend half my life in tears. I think not knowing makes the transition more painless. When one era ends a new era begins and replaces it , so in essence we are always being given moments. So what's the big deal? I guess the deal for me is I'd just rather keep the momentum going and not stop to say goodbye and focus more on the next hello.I love to look back at all the great moments but I am just as happy if I don't have to know that the last moment IS the last moment as it is happening.
To know or not to know ...... That is the question?????????
Flag
Send to a Friend
Thankfully the precious moments I have had with my kids have carried on into their teens and twenties(that makes me feel old)...The snuggles and hand holding and laughter and tears and comforting still exists.I guess I just never want it to end cause it's too much fun and too much love and .....can't you just picture this empty nester bawling already.Oh well , admittedly I will say I am a bit conflicted.Part of me thinks I should explore this and the other part says it's best not to know.hmmmm
However, there are times when goodbyes are painful for me. Those times have to do with conflict. Goodbyes that have to do with the ending of a relationship that end in the absence of a harmonious resolution. Those goodbyes for me are excruciatingly painful.
I couldn't really relate to this story, even though it was quite touching. Goodbyes for me have always been exciting or filled with grateful happiness. I guess because I always assume I will see that person again. And "last times" with my kids have either never been last times - (I still snuggle my 15 year old on my lap and I'll probably even do that when she's 30 :)) OR they get replaced with "new times" (my oldest picks me up and swings me around). Mostly I love goodbyes. They are the last chapter of the book, the end of that particular journey, so another journey can begin. Even when I helped my mom board onto an airplane (because she was in a wheelchair) after visiting with her at my brother's in Seattle, I knew it was the last time I would see her "well" (i.e. fully conscious and engaged in conversation). I didn't feel sadness at all. I felt such gratitude for all the things I had done with her at Pete's house and I also felt relief that she would get home and die in the country she lived in, instead of linger in a US hospital. I was so thankful for the miracle that allowed her to be able to travel across the country in her fragile and deteriorating condition so that I could engage with her one more time. Goodbyes for me, are beautiful ..... for the most part. (Second comment to follow).